How Do You Guys Deal With Feeling Discouraged?

[ACSAPA]

I've been living on my own as a single parent for 8 months in a cute little apartment with my daughter.
I kept it together pretty well for the first 6 months and paid all my bills on time and was proud of being consistent and responsible. About 2 months ago, I got sick and missed a few days of work, which affected my income and started a series of late payments that led to late fees and now things are slipping down.

Now I'm getting depressed and my daughter is begging me to cheer up and keep trying to pay off these debts so we don't get evicted. I feel like I'm that horse in The Neverending Story that is drowning in The Swamp of Sadness and my daughter is Atreyu crying out to the horse to not give in to the sadness.

I'm not clinically depressed, I'm responding naturally with normal emotions to bad things that keep happening.

How do you guys keep it together and stay focused when you're in one of those downward cycles when nothing is going in your favor?

 

[Tina Nord]

I have been where you are and honestly, we are still recovering. We purchased a home a while back and things were going extremely well until the recession hit and my fiance ended up losing his job. This took us down the downward spiral until we ended up losing the home and had to start all over again. The bills added up and our relationship started to suffer. I ended up getting really depressed, not clinically either, but just with all the negative energy we had to deal with.

About a year ago, I actually sat down with a pad and paper and wrote down every bill that we had to pay, the balances, and then everything that we had to spend money on each month. I then made a list of every single source of income that we have and started to work the list. As we paid off bills we marked them off of the list and added some more money to the payments we made on other bills.

Things are getting better, but we still have aways to go. Do you have any online work that you do so that you can add a few extra dollars to the table every month? Things will get better over time, I promise. Sometimes you just have to wait it out for a little while.

 

[Ellyn]

I'm so sorry to hear that, it does sound like a terrible situation and nobody should be forced to work while they're ill just to make ends meet, with debts like dominos or a house of cards that if one payment is misplaced then you're always chasing something.

That said, if discouragement is making it a challenge to function in addition to the actual challenges, then I would consider that you might actually be depressed. Clinical depression can be a genetic or psychological predisposition that surfaces with triggers or stressors. What is a natural response can differ from person to person...and depending on the discouragement, I've dealt with them differently per case, so it's definitely going to be different methods to deal with when it comes to another person's life.

 

[ACSAPA]

I'm so sorry to hear that, it does sound like a terrible situation and nobody should be forced to work while they're ill just to make ends meet, with debts like dominos or a house of cards that if one payment is misplaced then you're always chasing something.

That said, if discouragement is making it a challenge to function in addition to the actual challenges, then I would consider that you might actually be depressed. Clinical depression can be a genetic or psychological predisposition that surfaces with triggers or stressors. What is a natural response can differ from person to person...and depending on the discouragement, I've dealt with them differently per case, so it's definitely going to be different methods to deal with when it comes to another person's life.

No, discouragement isn't keeping me from functioning. I've still been cleaning my apartment, cooking for my kid, doing my best to pay my bills and getting up early to list on eBay and Craigslist to bring in extra income. What the discouragement does is that sometimes I get tired and have the urge to abandon my apartment and everything I own, so that I don't have to struggle anymore. I know that this is irresponsible and stupid, so I stay put and keep trying.

 

[Livvy]

Well, maybe it's a bit different considering I actually have depression and anxiety, but the...principles should be the same I guess. Take it one day at a time. Sure, you might feel like you're drowning in the swamp of infinite sadness, but think of it like this. Every day that you make a little money, you're digging yourself out of the swamp. You're still in the swamp, sure, but you're just that little bit closer to the surface, so don't give up now.

You might only get your head out one day, but your head is out of the swamp! You don't give up, because then you'll just sink down again. You've got your head free, so now you start working on the neck. Then your chest. Then your stomach.

Get what I'm saying? It might take a while, but every day that you're working, your getting yourself just that little bit closer to the end. My advice is keep a list of the things you need to pay off/how much you have to earn. So for example, I had to pay off a $55 loan to someone. So I kept a little notepad file with a reminder of that amount, and every day I'd make a little more money. Maybe $10 one day, maybe $4 the next. Didn't matter, I kept a running tally. And every day I added a little bit more to the tally. Beside that, I had a running tally on how much was left to actually pay. So you have your total amount to pay, then your current total amount, and then beside that, the current amount left to pay. It helps a lot, trust me.

 

[rubydust]

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling right now. You have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and remind yourself frequently that it's not always going to be this way.

I'm in a similar situation myself. I'm a mum of two, living on my own with the children. I separated from their father a few years ago. Just recently, I was late with a couple of bills and things have snowballed, so I feel like I'm constantly playing catch up, trying to get my finances back on an even keel.

I know it can really get you down sometimes. As Tina suggested, writing it all down so you know exactly where you are with things is a good idea to start off with. It will help you to feel more in control of your situation.

I live in the UK, so I can't advise you about services in your area, but I'm sure there will be advisory services nearby who can help you. You might even find that you are eligible for some extra financial aid. If you're struggling to buy food, there are organisations that can help with that too. Remember, you're not alone, there are people out there waiting to help and support you.

Do you have any friends who are also single mothers? It can feel quite isolating, bringing up a child on your own. We have groups here where you can go along, and meet other women in the same situation, where you can chat over a coffee and just share your troubles with each other.

Things will turn around for you soon, I'm sure of it. Stay strong.